Little spoons don't ask big questions
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
