if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
