Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
