oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So much Jack, so little girl.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
