My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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