Define "chronic" masturbator.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
