chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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