I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
