What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
