You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
