It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
