Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
