you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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