I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
