I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
