god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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