I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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