first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
