Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
