Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
