Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
