He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
