If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
