How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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