i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
