sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
