Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
