..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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