Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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