Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
