Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
