Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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