You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
