Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
