I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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