I wish I only lived at night.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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