i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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