i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
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I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
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I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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