I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
