So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
