people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
