I think i peed on brittanys purse
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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