My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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