Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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