shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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