Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
