It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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