Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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