i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
