Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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