I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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