Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm both gender and math confused
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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