Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
