the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
