In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
