i already hear my dad disowning me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
