who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
