drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
