I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
