i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
