Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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