I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize