I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
