can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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