You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
