My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
