You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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