i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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