Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
